True South: A Compass Built from What You Refuse to Carry

Most of my writing is about tools, teaching, or transformation. This one is different. It is personal.

Because sometimes, the most powerful lesson is not what you reach for, it is what you refuse to return to.

What If You Can’t See the Light?

Many of us have heard of the concept of True North. It is that unwavering inner compass that guides us toward our goals, values, and aspirations.

It is often used to describe a clear sense of purpose or direction, a personal "why" that helps us stay aligned through uncertainty.

But what if you can’t see that light?

What if, instead of a shining star to follow, all you have is a deep understanding of what you need to leave behind?

In the darkest night, when the stars are hidden and True North seems like a myth, there is still a compass that can guide you—True South.

It is the magnetic pull of everything you know you need to escape.

What My True South Looked Like

My True South was not just a direction. It was a gravitational force threatening to swallow me whole.

A one-year-old with a father shot by police.
A childhood spent bouncing in and out of foster care, where homes often meant abuse and extreme neglect instead of safety.
Poverty that clung to my skin.
Violence that echoed in my ears.
The clang of prison doors when visiting family, a sound that became as familiar as a school bell.
An alcoholic mother who left, abandoning me to navigate Baltimore city on my own since I was 14.

None of these were good things as a kid.

But this is not about pity. It is about the raw power of knowing exactly what you don’t want and using it to chart a course toward something better.

When the Map Is Behind You

In a world fixated on finding True North, we often overlook the compass needle quivering toward what we need to escape.

But here is the truth I learned while navigating the streets of Baltimore and the broken foster care system:

Sometimes, you have to move away from what you know to discover what you can become.

My True South was a map of hazards.
It was the rumble of empty stomachs, the crack of a fist, the cold indifference of neglectful foster parents.
It was the metallic echo of those prison doors closing behind me after each visit.
It was the weight of being a child forced to become an adult overnight in a challenging city.
It was everything I knew I did not want.
And that knowledge became my guide.

I didn’t have a lighthouse of success to follow. I had a rearview mirror full of shipwrecks.

So I did the only thing I could, I set sail.

Away from the familiar whirlpools of pain.
Away from the known riptides of despair.
Into uncharted waters that, simply by virtue of being unknown, held the promise of safer harbors.

Each nautical mile was a decision.
Each new horizon, a discovery.

I didn’t know what "better" looked like, but I knew it had to exist somewhere beyond the shadows of my past.

Lessons from True South

Clarity in Chaos
When you're surrounded by storms, you gain perfect clarity about which direction not to sail. Use it.

Movement as Medicine
You don’t need to see the entire ocean. Just steer away from the rocks right in front of you.

The Power of No
Every "no" to your past is a "yes" to uncharted future territories. Keep saying no.

Redefine Progress
Success is increasing the distance between your ship and the maelstrom you're escaping.

Shadows Define Light
Your darkest experiences become the stars by which you navigate, showing you what to avoid and illuminating safer routes.

This Compass Works in Any Life

True South is not just for those who have endured trauma.

It is a universal compass, one that applies in every part of life.

In your career, it might be recognizing a toxic workplace that stifles your growth.
In relationships, it could be identifying patterns of disrespect or manipulation.

These are the treacherous reefs and whirlpools of life. Naming them is the first step toward freedom.

You don’t need a detailed map of success to begin.

You just need to be clear on the waters you refuse to sail.

Let that clarity become the wind in your sails.

A Challenge to You

If you find yourself in a place where it is hard to know what "good" looks like, here is your challenge:

Identify your True South.
We all have parts of our lives that are not right for us.
Stare it down. Understand it.
Then start moving.

You might not know exactly where you're going. But you'll know what you're leaving behind.

In the space between what you're escaping and what you're seeking, you’ll find yourself.

Your True South gave you the gift of knowing what you don't want.

Don't just let it repel you from what is wrong. Let it propel you toward what is right.

Whether your True North is clear or yet to be discovered, your True South can be the force that keeps you moving.